Here is a blog I wrote for AW2 Blog
AW2 Blog

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Dealing with a hidden brain injury from a mother’s perspective.

How are we as parents supposed to deal with brain injuries when from our grown child’s perspective there is not a problem? Yet, I can identify several major problem areas.

When Scott was hit by the I.E.D. (Improvised Explosive Device), he bled out due to severe internal and external injuries. The medical personnel in Bagdad, Balad and Landstuhl brought him back twice with massive blood infusion and drugs. But sometime during those first hours and day he suffered 3 strokes to the left side of his brain. My understanding is the strokes were located in the frontal, temporal, and occipital lobes. When I arrived by his side in San Antonio, TX, they had inserted a pressure monitor into his frontal lobe to watch the pressures of the bleeds. I was pretty sure by his actions and memories that we were going to be ok. He seemed to have shrugged off the possible devastating effects of the strokes. Now………I am not so sure.

We are almost 4 years out from the initial injuries and yet I am seeing increasing cognitive defects in his behavior. I always have to ask myself, how much is from the brain injuries and how much is from PTSD or other possible causes. I have a hard time showing the behavioral patterns to his caregivers because he is very good at covering the issues up in a one hour session with a psychologist. But when you live with someone on a day to day basis, you can definitely see defects. Along with trying to explain the issues to his medical caregivers, I try to explain to him what I see. For him, I am just being over-protective or controlling, he refuses to address the issues, stating that is just the way he is. And yet, I see the path he is headed on, and it is one he would never have traveled before the damages to body and brain.

I have a list of behaviors that I see him exhibiting and yet I do not know how to solve the problems that arise out of them. He expects me to pick up the pieces from his actions, yet when I try to curb the behaviors before hand, according to him I am in the wrong. I am beyond frustrated. I find myself becoming increasingly depressed and angry at him and the situation. While he is becoming more physically independent by the day, he is still refusing to deal with the “unseen” injuries. Yes, he sees two separate clinicians for his PTSD, but he does not tell them the entire truth of his situation. He tells me he is afraid of being “judged”, yet the very people who are supposed to help him are unaware of the “big picture” so are incapable of truly helping him. I have tried talking to one of his doctors, but their job is to listen to him, not me, so how much of my information is actually being taken into consideration? And when he tells them that “I” am the problem, not him, what does that say about my credibility? Scott is very good at passing the blame for his actions on to other people. And he refuses to acknowledge the known issues: inattention, difficulty concentrating, impaired memory, faulty judgment, depression, irritability, emotional outbursts, disturbed sleep, diminished/increased libido, difficulty switching between two tasks, slowed thinking, anger, co-dependency…..the list goes on. And yes I and his family have seen all of these issues in him. The problem is they are also PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms. So how do you separate which symptom goes with which problem? And how do you treat two different conditions with very similar symptoms? I am at a loss.

And as a caregiver of a 26 year old, I am tired. I am tired of fighting him to get the treatment he needs, I am tired of arguing that his actions are going to cause long-term serious problems, I am tired of being the one responsible if and when he gets into trouble, I am just tired. And yes, I do understand and acknowledge that as a 26 year old he is responsible for himself. But as a paid caregiver, financial power of attorney, medical power of attorney and about to become complete fiduciary, I am responsible. I am responsible to the military for caring for him, I am responsible to the Veterans Administration, I am responsible to our family, and I am responsible for him period!

The weight that I thought would lift once he was physically well has gotten heavier instead. The fact that we have had to concentrate so hard on the physical aspect allowed all of us to let the psychological problems fade into the background. Now we are all paying a heavy price. I am so tired of the arguments, the lying, the going behind him and cleaning up the messes he leaves. And yes, if I do not do that, then I too will be held responsible. But probably the worse is his complete and utter refusal to see how many of these issues he has. He addresses a couple of them in his sessions, but again without the entire problem laid out, complete honesty and openness with his counselors they are treating only portions of the problems not the whole person.

By reading and reading and trying desperately to understand both brain trauma and PTSD, I know he partially is not responsible for his behaviors, but understanding that, does not make it easier to come to terms with after he yells at me or after he lies to me or after the multitude of things that he does where I and this family is concerned. He states he wants his independence, yet refuses to answer the phone when the VA calls about appointments; instead he gives everyone my phone number. He refuses to fill out his own paperwork, he cannot seem to make or keep appointments without my prodding, he cannot control his finances, he wants to be independent but refuses to act in any independent way, except in the faulty judgment arenas……..

So I will continue to pick up the pieces, fight for greater honesty with his clinicians, fight him to open up and admit his deficiencies and continue being the best caregiver I can be with the information that I have.
More Information on Brain Injuries
More Information on PTSD Symptoms